Marital Issues – Part 1

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

It’s Saturday 28th November 2020.

Let’s focus upon ‘Marital Issues’ today.

Once a couple are engaged, there is a wonderful happy feeling on both sides. So much laughter and joy. So many gifts and dā’wats. The build up to the big day is so exciting. Even the 5 and 6 year olds understand that a couple are going to tie the knot. The week preceding the wedding day and the day itself are just magic moments. Then follows the honeymoon, then the dā’wats. A new journey begins.

Did anyone ever think about domestic violence? Did anyone prepare the couple for it? Was it part of the arrangements? So where did it come from? And why?

The answers to these questions are not easy. And the solution is not a size that fits all. Every circumstance is different. Every situation is different. However, the key point is that you were both in love with one another, and you are still the same two people.

As soon as the first issue arises that causes discomfort and strains the relationship, both of you sit down and talk it over. It’s not that difficult at all. With love, harmony and affection, explain to your partner what has upset you, and vice versa. Forgive & forget, and move on. It really is as simple as that.

During the last 25 years, although not a marriage counsellor by any means, I have been approached by a number of couples to assist in their domestics. My track record is average, not too good and not too bad as well. My first advice is always for the couple themselves to sit and discuss and sort out. As far as possible, DO NOT involve a third party.

When you sit down together, nicely and politely, point out what has upset you. Each one tell the other, and then work on resolving the issues. It is not difficult at all.

One of the most common issues today is finance. Live your lives within your means, and try your best to support each other. Don’t be influenced by your friend living in a posh house and you are still living in a terraced house. As the saying goes, ‘happiness is where the home is‘.

Interference from in-laws, on both sides, is another regular factor. My messages on ‘daughter in-law and mother in-law relationships’ sheds light on this issue.

Then comes the excess use of social media because of which both start to drift apart. The same social media becomes the means of suspecting each other of extra marital relationships, etc. The list is endless. However, sit down and talk it through. Forgive and forget and move on. Do not go to sleep without making up, and do not let the issue drag.

For those whom Almighty Allāh has blessed with children, you should exhaust each and every avenue to reconcile. I cannot stress the importance of this. This will be covered in ‘Domestic Violence – Part 2’, tomorrow, اِنْ شَاءَ الَّلهُ.

Almighty Allāh protect each and every marriage, Āmeen.

جَزَاكَ اللَّهُ خَيْرًا
Request for Du’ās
وَالسَّلَامُ Hanif Dudhwala


Supplementary Resources

PDF : Anger – How to Control it

Audio : Controlling Anger  ;  Anger – How to Control it – Ḥaḍrat Mawlānā Muḥammad Saleem Dhorāt Ḥafizahullāh

VideoPreventing Domestic Abuse  ;  Some Common Problems in Marriage  ;  Understanding Conflicts in Marriage – Mufti Abdur Raḥmān ibn Yūsuf Ṣāḥib

VideoAnger – Social and Family Conflicts – Mufti Muḥammad ibn Ādam al-Kawthari Ṣāḥib

HDReflections : Rights of the Wife  ;  Rights of the HusbandHanif Dudhwala