The Daughter-in-law and Mother-in-law

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

It’s Wednesday 24th June 2020. Let’s talk about ‘The Daughter-in-law and Mother-in-law’ today.

On 20th April, I wrote about ‘the Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law’. Today, it has been flipped around. In that message 2 months ago, the mother-in-law was addressed, with a few advices to the daughter-in-law. What guidance can I offer the daughter-in-law?

From the day you are engaged, you have another family in your life. After your own family, they should be the ones closest to your heart, and deserve the most respect. Do not for one moment start thinking negatively about your mother-in-law. Once you enter your new home, blend in with everyone and become like one family.

From day one, take part in family chores and let your mother-in-law feel that you are an asset to the family, not a burden. Help with the cooking and the cleaning and at all times maintain their respect. Whenever you are going out with your husband, please inform your mother-in-law in advance.

Get your priorities correct. If your mother-in-law has decided to go out together as a family and you have made alternative plans, give priority to your mother-in-law or ask for her permission nicely. Unfortunately, in a lot of cases, the daughter-in-law listens to their mum more than the mother-in-law; this is where the problems start.

After your marriage, give priority to your in-laws. A word of caution here to all mothers. Once your daughter is married, do not expect her to give you priority all the time. She now has a husband and he also has a family. Let your daughter mix and bond with her new family.

The top 3 priorities for all Muslims should be, Imān, good health and happiness. If you want your daughter to be happy after she is married, do not teach her negative things and do not give her negative vibes about her mother-in-law. The house where the daughter-in-law treats her mother-in-law like her mother, or even better, will be a house of happiness and joy.

Finally, a word to the mother-in-law. Your daughter-in-law will make mistakes. Everyone has their faults. She won’t be perfect. Please do not tell the whole world. Conceal her weaknesses and help her improve. Above all, treat her like your daughter and she will treat you like her mother.

My respected teacher, Shaykh Muḥammad Saleem Dhorāt حفظہ اللہ, has written an excellent short article, Key Advice for the Newly Wed, giving useful advice for everyone who is married (even, if you have been married a long time),

Almighty Allāh strengthen the bonds between the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law and make our houses into homes of happiness and joy, Āmeen.

جَزَاكَ اللَّهُ خَيْرًا
Request for DuꜤās
وَالسَّلَامُ Hanif Dudhwala