Dādimā and Nānimā

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

It’s Saturday 6th February 2021.

Let’s talk about ‘Dādimā and Nānimā’ today.

Having touched upon the subject of the ‘Son and Son-in-Law‘ in my last message, let me continue with a similar theme today.

How many times have all of us come across a couple with young children, who are travelling to Ḥajj or ‘Umrah, or just taking a short holiday abroad. When we ask them about where the children will stay, 9 out of 10 times the answer will be, ‘Nānimā’s‘. How come? Why not Dādimā’s? Who decided? How did you decide?

Without going into too much depth, if it’s a joint decision of the couple, taking each and every thing into consideration, then fair enough. However, it still begs the question, why? The most fair decision is the 50/50 one and, ‏مَا شَآءَ الله, many couples do share the time of their children equally between Dādimā’s and Nānimā’s.

Once again, it is the same issue of the hatred of the mother-in-law towards the daughter-in-law, which results in even the children taking Nānimā’s side, rather than Dādimā’s. My sincere advice here to all couples and all grandparents, is to follow the guidelines of our beautiful Sharī’ah and treat each and every person with fairness and justice.

Grandchildren should have strong connections with both Dādimā’s house and Nānimā’s house. This will only materialise if they are treated fairly from both sides. It is a real shame today that grandchildren distance themselves from Dādimā, simply because they have witnessed enmity and hatred between mum and Dādimā. Don’t let this happen.

The same Dādimā most probably will also be a Nānimā. Ask yourself, are you just and fair with both sets of your grandchildren? On ‘Eid day, are their gifts and ‘Eidi equal?

As is our custom, the wife usually comes to live with the husband in his town, although this also is changing now. When I visit the cemetery here in Blackburn, the majority of the visitors to the graves of Dādimā and Dādā are the paternal grandsons. Remember, that is the time when you need them the most. Treat them nicely and fairly in this world and they will always pray for you after you leave this world.

Almighty Allāh grant us all the correct understanding of treating each and every one with fairness, Āmeen.

جَزَاكَ اللَّهُ خَيْرًا
Request for Du’ās
وَالسَّلَامُ Hanif Dudhwala