Sons and Sons-in-Law

السَّلاَمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَبَرَكَاتُهُ

It’s Wednesday 3rd February 2021.

Let’s talk about ‘Sons and Sons-in-Law‘ today.

If Almighty Allāh has blessed you with a son, you should be ever grateful to Almighty Allāh. This son of yours is for life. Until the moment of departure from the world comes, value your son.

A lot of you will be thinking, why am I talking about sons today? The answer is quite simple. One of the problems we face in our community today, is the favouritism of the son-in-law over the son. Some of you might disagree with this. However, if you live in the real world, read on, and you will agree with me.

Not for one moment am I suggesting that you don’t value your son-in-law; of course not. He should be valued at all times. The point is, after marriage, hand on heart, why does the value of the son-in-law increase over the son? This should not be the case. Each and every mother and father loves their son. They would sacrifice everything for their son.

The issue lies, or is perceived to be, with the daughter-in-law. Simply because the son may be listening to his wife more than his parents, this biases the parents’ behaviour with the son. Remember, your son, after marriage, is now in a very difficult position. He loves his parents to bits, but he now also has a wife, for whom he has very strong feelings. Herein lies the problem.

Whom does he give preference to when there is a conflict? Mum has decided to do a dāwat for the extended family one evening, when the son and daughter-in-law had already planned to spend the evening out in a restaurant. Who backs down?

This is where both parties must give and take. Let our beautiful Sharī’ah have the final say and everything will be rosy. Don’t let your egos or customs come in the way. Mum should say, ‘feel free to go if you have planned it, and if you change the date and stay tonight I will be ever grateful.’  Watch what happens. Your son and daughter-in-law will agree straightaway. However, if mum says, ‘you are not going’, then the reaction will be very different.

My point is, at all times, make sure you value your son and do not let him feel that the son-in-law has more value than him. If your son lives separately with his wife and you have a dāwat at home, make sure you invite your son and his family first. Sorry to say but I have attended a number of functions where the son-in-law is very proudly introduced but no mention is made of the son.

Treat your son and his wife with love, respect, and affection. When you need it the most in your old age, they will most surely and definitely repay you back. Remember, your son is already yours … win the heart of your daughter-in-law.

Almighty Allāh grant us all the ability to adhere to our beautiful Sharī’ah and not let customs and traditions take precedence, Āmeen.

جَزَاكَ اللَّهُ خَيْرًا
Request for Du’ās
وَالسَّلَامُ Hanif Dudhwala